Ice and Fire Nerd-Out Time

If any of you ever have had a conversation with me in the past year or so and asked me what I was reading, I would have told you, based on the time you asked, that I was reading A Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings, A Storm of Swords, A Feast For Crows, or A Dance With Dragons. All of which are the first five books in George Martin's excellent A Song of Ice and Fire series.

Ok, now this is where you want to stop reading if you haven't read the series through ADWD or if you never plan on reading them or if you just love spoilers. Because the entirety of the rest of this post is spoilerrific.

Seriously. Stop reading unless you know what's going on. Here, I'll even put a page break in here for you! Continue only if you really want to.

Here is what I want from the next, final 2 (or maybe 3 if the current pattern of book expansion holds) books in the series:

• Davos finds Rickon, who was the cannibal king of Skagos, slayer of unicorns, and wild-child badass, and then they have some awesome adventures on their way back to Manderly, Winterfell, and/or somewhere else (like to Howland Reed!)
• Cersei is killed by Jaime's golden hand choking her to death
• Tyrion finally finds 'wherever whores go' and his beloved Tysha but he knows that if he goes there, he'll lose his claim to Casterly Rock and the Westerlands
• EVERY SINGLE FREY DIES, maybe even baked in pies
• Ramsay Bolton dies in the lamest way possible
• Loras Tyrell slays Stannis (both for Renly and because he's basically Jaime 'Kingslayer' Lannister's mirror image)
• Victarion gets blown by a huge storm into the ruins of Valyria where he is magically transformed into MASTER BADASS
• Sansa kills or arranges the death of Littlefinger, marries Robyn Arryn, and thus becomes not only the Lady of the Vale but also a major master player in the Game of Thrones
• Arya ultimately fails to become a Faceless Man and returns to her Nymeria and they are a mega badass wolf-and-girl bandit assassin team
• Sam Tarly--although he doesn't finish forging his whole chain--learns the super secret cool magic stuff the maesters have been hiding away, returns to the Wall, obliterates the Others with his badass magicks, and is elected Lord Commander
• Daenerys rides to the Mother of Mountains with her/Jhoqo's khalasar, round up all the Dothraki ever, does a drive-by on Meereen to pick up her other two babies and Barristan (and possibly Joah and Tyrion as well) then high-tails it to Westeros, utterly destorying everything in her path
• Jon Snow is revealed to be the child of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, is reanimated, and through all manner of total badassery, takes the Iron Throne
• Epic finale with Dany and Deadjon where both ice and fire are wielded to the maximum either in sexual and therefore political union, or in an awesome battle the likes of which have never been seen

Yeah, it's a little too rosy to fit the tone of the series. So in that spirit, here's the GRRM version of the above:

• Davos takes Rickon to Ramsay/Roose
• Qyburn resurrects Cersei
• Tyrion goes after Tysha, contracts syphillis, dies a madman
• There is at least one Frey still alive
• Ramsay either outlasts everyone or has an excellent death scene
• Stannis kills Loras
• Victarion dies of a heart attack while boning the Dusky Woman
• Sansa dies
• Arya becomes a Faceless Man but fails her first assignment, dies
• Sam Tarly gets diabetes, dies
• Dany gets greyscale from Jon Connington, dies
• Jon Snow actually just dies at the end of ADWD and never comes back
• No epic finale, much more a whimper than a bang

Let's hope things end up awesome.

You should tell me what you want to see now.

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